FOR SALE: Beautiful home
LOCATION: The Surface of the Sun
Hot hot hotter than hot. It’s been that way for four months in Texas. I have two fountains on the property in Austin … a God-send for the birds, bees , squirrels and other wildlife who are notably stressed by the climate. I sometimes look out to see a grateful bird letting the water at the spout run over its claws just basking in the cool of it. I have a special stick to fetch out the bees who have fallen asleep from heat exhaustion and are fixing to drown in the basin.
We are not supposed to call it global warming anymore because ice storms hurricanes and massive deadly floods are also increasing, and they are not notably warm, and also Al Gore called it that. There are folks who will stand in 120-degree heat on an April morning and deny global warming exists just purely on the basis that Al Gore said it does.
So, climate change? That is a rather mild way to describe what is happening to the planet but it’s what we’ve got. The great good news of the week is that the Senate has passed a bill to address it in a comprehensive way. History was made last week in many ways than but, that achievement will live on as a decisive victory for the president and for all who believe that we can and should act to rescue the future.
I missed the market. I missed it by ten days. Raymond and I had worked doggedly to get the house ready to sell. He would usually arrive about ten AM and find me bedraggled rearranging something or other in the garage.
“Did you sweat through your hair already?”
Clearly, I had. Over the course of a day my hair would become dripping wet with sweat over and over again. It would begin with my morning walk with Roxy. Armed with treats and a water bottle, hidden beneath a hat and gloves and protective regalia I would head out for our daily stroll and return every drenched head to toe. The humidity so thick it would just pour onto my person and run down the back of my neck.
Raymond built a beautiful eight-foot privacy fence in the scorching heat. He sports a weird red headpiece for such occasions. It looks like a cross between a pith helmet and a pirate hat. He has a high high tolerance for discomfort and a work ethic so strong that there are no conditions too harsh for him when he is set to a task.
The first “Open House” was a disaster. My realtor was out of town and apparently so was everyone in Austin. No one came. We got all dressed up for our debut and it was a dud. A stinkeroo. Interest rates rose along with the temperatures and in a once hotter than hot market buyers had begun to get cold feet.
We pulled the house off the market temporarily and my best pal Ryan confabbed with my realtor Khani on how best to proceed. Changes were made.
We pulled down all the chandeliers and eliminated the statues and most of the wall art. The baby grand piano had to go along with some of my most unique pieces.
“It Would Be So Nice if You Weren’t Here” was the sentiment writ large.
The late great Charles Grodin once wrote in his autobiography of the same title of being on location in a beautiful home in Pasadena when the owner, an elderly woman draped in fine pearls, trundled into the kitchen at three in the afternoon … her daily tea-time. She looked around at the chaos that is a movie production and sighed wistfully.
“Ah me,” she said to Charles. “It would be so nice if you weren’t here”
This is the new rule of home-selling. The owner must be disappeared from the property. This is new to me. My previous experience was quite different as my homes were intricately and elaborately designed to showcase how one could live in the environment. Real estate brokers baked cookies in the oven before an “Open house” so potential buyers would get the warm fuzzies upon crossing the threshold.
No more. Now a home should be stripped of personality and to the extent possible devoid of color. Towels must be white. Appliances like toasters coffee pots and standing mixers must be hidden from view. Even my beloved air -fryer had to be tucked away.
We went back on the market at a slightly lower price with a much-streamlined profile and our buyer walked through the door. It is of course a mixed bag because I am deeply attached to the house and treasure my neighbors and friends in Austin.
The buyer is a young man who loves to cook. That makes me happy. I am an older woman with a great passion for the culinary arts. I wish him joyful meals and every happiness in his new home.
I am back in LA sorting out my next act. Feeling blessed and stressed but at the end of the day, I am well aware that I have all of the problems that everybody wants.
A lucky gal.
On we go …
Congratulations for your sake sweetie! We are grateful to have you back here 🙏
Beth, Congrats on the sale of your house. I knew it would sell! I am going to miss seeing you and Roxy on the morning walks. But I know how it is to be close to family. Mine are all in Kansas, so I get back a couple of times a year to see them. Thank you once again for the signed photos. I treasure them all the more because I got to meet you. Best of luck on your new adventure! Sincerely, Richard Bartlett