Wit and Wisdom
by Beth Broderick
“When you see me again in the new year, I will look brand new.” My dear friend said this to me just before Christmas. At the time, we were dining on croissants and some kind of sugar bun, one of the many holiday feasts we had recently consumed, but soon, he promised, it would be time for famine.
“I think you look good now,” I said.
“You are old and blind and deaf so you can’t really see me.” He replied.
“I just heard you say that I am deaf. I HEARD you say that, thank you very much, but I’ll give you old and blind. You’ve got me there.”
On the advice of his masseur/ healer guy, my pal spent January refurbishing the goods. He had to abstain from alcohol, gluten, and sugar while adding copious amounts of exercise to his regime.
I have never been a great giver-upper of things. I once swore off of Chardonnay for Lent and was thereby forced to drink champagne for weeks on end. That is more of a hardship than it sounds. I am not a big fan of bubbles, but I made it through.
I recently signed with a new modeling agency, and they requested a new editorial shoot, as well as “digitals” and an intro video.
Here are some of the instructions:
Digitals are intended to be taken on a cell phone, and if taken with a professional camera be sure not to edit or retouch your body and/or skin. Take your digitals against a white or solid color background/wall.
– Avoid patterns and complicated designs. A basic and understated design is best. If not specified by the agency, always wear an outfit that is flattering to your body, much like what we have already described in the Appearance section above.
– Clean and fitted white/black t- shirt or tank top with slim, dark jeans is always appropriate.
Swim or Body Digitals:
Ladies – Wear a 2-piece solid color swimsuit.
The above shots are meant to be taken with as little of the usual accoutrements that usually accompanies a photo shoot as possible. They want the most minimal make-up and lighting. Hmmm. I am 65 years old and the whole “two-piece bathing suit” thing sounded challenging enough without these “digital” requirements.
At the very least, this would cause a reassessment of my willingness to do some giving-upping. I have been subbing in sparkling water for my beloved Chardonnay at home. I have been doing my best to adhere to the “food combining” rules I remember from my earlier days. Only protein in the morning. Protein with vegetables for lunch. Dinner can be more protein with vegetables, or a carb-loaded veggie meal with zero protein.
SHAKE IT OFF.
I read a book years ago called “Younger Next Year.” It was recommended to me by my then-optometrist, who treated a lot of Hollywood folks who were getting up there. We needed contacts for reading in order to get through auditions while holding a script. Most of us did not want to be seen needing the reading glasses that we did, in fact, require.
Then, as now, younger is the stuff.
In the book, the author basically makes the claim that when one is older, one has to commit to trying harder, doing more to stay fit. If, for example, one used to walk two miles a day in one’s thirties, that would need to be three miles in one’s forties, three and a half in one’s fifties, and, well, in your sixties, you had better be prepared to “shake a bun” if you want any hope of appearing as svelte as you once did.
I have been hitting the gym with more gusto and challenging my usual lack of enthusiasm. I have stayed there for a full hour and change rather than indulging my habit of recent years, which involves running in and doing five exercises then getting the heck out of there and meeting a friend for an improperly combined lunch.
I am kind of liking the challenge of it all, though, in order to get through it. I confess to making promises to myself such as these:
“When you are 68, you can have cookies. All the cookies.”
“When you get to the end of this ‘modeling’ thing (again, most likely in a few years unless I just completely flame out), you can have meat AND potatoes.”
“When we retire, I promise you, we are going to change every darned light bulb in the house to 25 watts.”
I am not even sure I will be good at this job, but it sounded important to try. I am proud to be this age, and this kind of work seems like a way to share that. We shall see.
I shot some of the “digitals” in my pal Nate’s garage. I sure as heck was not going to stand next to a wall in my neighborhood of Beverly Grove wearing a bikini. I, of course, did not read the instructions thoroughly enough and appear in the ghastly unlit photos in a two-color suit.
I did the introductory video and managed to say my name and agency, though I forgot to tell my height. I added my age in though for good measure because, well, I guess, I felt like it.
Tomorrow is the editorial shoot. I will have hair and makeup on set, and my friend Bonnie, who has dressed me in a few features, on hand to help with styling. I am actually looking forward to this one. This is something I know how to do.
The “digitals” and “intro?” Well, there is a learning curve there. The whole concept goes against everything I have been taught to do for the past 35-odd years working in front of a camera. I will get it right one of these days.
FACE VALUE.
I confess I saw my doctor a few months ago, the fellow who helped me get my jawline well … in line. Everybody in my business does that. If you work in front of a camera and plan ever to turn sideways, you are at some point going to need help with your sagging profile. I stopped by, hoping to get a suggestion for a little in-office touch-up or some such. A teensy bit of fill, a dab of refresher--that’s what I was looking for.
He examined me quietly and carefully then gave me this advice:
“I think you need a full face-lift.”
He may just as well have said: “Well, Beth, the only thing for it, really, what we will have to do, is set you on fire.”
Nope. Not doin’ it. No. No. No. No.
I just got my Medicare ID in the mail. I’m thinking of it as a sort of “Get Out of Jail Free” card. It is quite liberating to no longer be teetering on the edge of it, but to be undeniably and properly old.
If I cannot model that, then what’s the point? This face, the one I am wearing as I write this. I am rather fond of it, so it stays.
I am old and blind and going a tad deaf, and I can still wear a bikini, dammit! In a garage with almost no make-up or hair help and “digital” lighting—well sort of—I think I managed it, in my own, not-very-good-at-following-the-rules way.
Going to let y’all be the judge below:
I confess to looking forward to tomorrow when the lights, camera, and action of it all will feel familiar and therefore be a comfort.
In the meantime, I am off to the gym for a final attempt at keeping it all together before we roll.
I guess a little bout of “give-upping” is not gonna kill me.
But soon, someday soon. Cookies. All of the cookies ….
On we go …
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Model Citizen