“Do you want to go shopping?”
There is only one answer to that question when my sister Laura calls to propose it:
“Yes.”
“I have to be back home by 3.”
“No problem, I can be ready in an hour. Pick me up? Or should I head your way?”
“I’ll pick you up.”
“Perfecto.”
We have been doing “Sister Shops” for as long as I can remember. Sometimes we just toddle along taking in the new styles on display and checking out new places in town. Other times there is a mission to be accomplished:
“I need decent jeans. All of mine are weirdly stretchy and end up looking hella crap after I wear them for a few hours. All droop, no drape.”
“I know which ones you should try.”
She leads me to the “athletic fit” jeans in American Eagle Outfitters. They are, of course, a very good fit for me, and the fabric promises to get better and better with age.
Laura has an uncanny ability to guide me toward the perfect garment. She knows which designers to look for in Macy’s. Which shops have the most wearable styles. In consignment stores, I often just stay in the dressing room trying things on while Laura hunts down new options in the aisles.
Long ago, when I first got on a series back in the 80’s and had the fresh experience of feeling flush, we shopped in ridiculous ways. We would make our way down Melrose.
“Oh, no! That store is closing…!”
“Laura, pull over. Let’s see if they will sell us their mannequins.”
We named them Lorena and Loretta and dragged those plastic dames from home to home. They would be at my place for a while and then would go hang out at Laura’s. They were notorious for changing outfits throughout the duration of a party. We often had no idea who was behind their often hilarious fashion choices. I don’t know what became of Lorena but Loretta finally succumbed to relentless exposure to all weathers out by Laura’s pool. Ridiculous purchase, but we enjoyed them.
“What’s happening on Saturdays?”my business manager asked me around that time.
“What? Um, why?” I answered.
“You are spending too much money. This happens a lot with my clients who are new to making money. If you spend it you won’t have it, and you might need it someday. Also you are donating too much money to causes and campaigns. It’s okay to give some, but you are not rich. Rich people can and should give a lot, but you aren’t and you can’t and you shouldn’t.”
When I got my first series “Glory Days”, starring yours truly and an up-and-coming young actor named Brad Pitt, my agents immediately put me with a business manager. This was standard practice in those days. Of course there was a lot of mutual back-scratching involved on the part of the folks who represent us, but there were also very practical reasons for it. This was long before a person could pay a bill online. It had to come in the mail, be opened by hand, and be responded to with an enclosed check. This was impossible to do from a location shoot in Canada or really anywhere if you were a single person. This was still the case in the early days of shooting “Sabrina the Teenage Witch”. My co-star Caroline Rhea lived in New York and commuted back and forth. She refused to let someone else handle her money, and this was admirable but it was not easy to manage. Here was this successful stand-up comedian who was also starring on a hit show, frequently going home to a dark apartment because the electric bill had gone unpaid.
So it was a great convenience, but it had and has its downsides. For a responsible human who knows to pay attention, it can be a great thing. For someone like me who was raised by two parents who were both terrible with money, it was a slippery slope. I just never looked. Had no clue what was coming in and no idea how much was going out.
Shopping was done. Home stores, antique malls, flea markets, indoor malls, outdoor malls, outlet malls, and favored boutiques were visited regularly.
And freaking Costco.
I could never figure out how that place was saving me money when the bill was always over $1,000. What did I even buy there? How many giant packs of paper towels does a human need?
When I finally took over paying my own bills, it was a very steep learning curve. The assistant manager at Wells Fargo was flabbergasted to learn that I had never done it. She graciously gave me her home number and cell because I had to ask her repeatedly to help me understand billing cycles. She was a godsend.
These days, Laura and I can spend an afternoon together and buy very little or sometimes nothing at all. I got on a serious down-sizing kick before my last move and ended up getting rid of so many clothes and shoes that I really had no choice but to buy a few new things. The difference now is I am good with that one pair of jeans. I also found a top I like, and we made an occasion of going back to get it in another color.
There is almost always lunch involved. We love to try new places. We have not made it to the “French Toastery” at the Westfield Mall, but it’s on the list of must-do’s.
I pay attention now to my finances, though I still have no system so things sometimes get overlooked. It feels good to be aware of what is coming and going, and I am blessed in every way to feel confident in my ability to one day fully retire should I choose to do so.
There was something great though about those many years of paying zero attention to money. I never did anything for the money, and I never said no to anything because of the money. I would probably have a lot more of it if I had, but I have no regrets.
I am glad of having less and wanting less because it frees up my time and resources, and there is less to take care of. I still probably spend too much and donate to too many, but I just cannot be killed to give a damn about that. They say that time is money, and what a time I have had.
On we go …
Sounds like me and my sister when either of us visit the other in our current states ( location not mind). Last January I began a Homegoods detox. That was always my place to treat myself after a home contract. Now I spend that new found time & money putting that into a savings account for a rainy day! That gives me more joy than a matching blue and white plates! Happy New Year Beth! Laura