Come and Gone

Wit and Wisdom

by Beth Broderick

Well, the Holidays have come and gone, leaving some of us with charmed memories and others with a sense of overwhelming relief at being done with it all. Of course, that won’t last long … There is always another holiday around the corner. 

The store shelves are already filling up with Valentine’s Day cards and candies and miscellaneous paraphernalia. We are a festive bunch, we humans. We love a celebration and a reason to gather, and, of course, our stuff.

We sure enough do love our stuff. 

The City of LA alone collected over 16 tons of trash last January. Our recycling centers are reeling from what is commonly known as ‘The Amazon Effect’. Mountains of cardboard. Literal reams and reams of paper and wrapping and nearly 100,000 tons of Christmas trees. At least a majority of the latter can be turned into wood chips as long as folks remove any plastics or metals from their bases and branches, but a lot of these items will be trashed–placed in landfills where they will live forever. And that’s just one city. 

One city.

I have to wonder if aliens would know what to make of it if they landed here and saw our plastic-choked seas and garbage-strewn landscapes. We have a host full of solvable problems like this one, but we just simply refuse to solve them. Conservation and moderation are a tough sell; we seem to have a blind spot in regard to that. Would aliens see us as reckless? Suicidal? Lacking in discipline? Greedy?

“The earthlings are no more, due to their love of presents and having all things delivered. Sad. They could have just sung a song or danced instead or grown things and made things or learned to live without so many many things. But they are gone now. The trash heaps grew so large that they swallowed up all the living creatures both on land and in the sea. All that’s left is what remains on the cloud. Pictures of terrifying creatures that they called pets, the latest hot fashion, and porn. Every kind of porn you can think of. RIP humanity. You weren’t great at seeing into the future or taking responsibility for your actions, but you were some wild, wild folks when it came to porn. We are taking that stuff with us back to our planet. Our fellow aliens will have to see it to believe it. Especially the Anime version. Crikey, that’s weird!” 

I don’t know if aliens speak English or use words like Crikey, but I am thinking AI could make it possible, so I am running with it. 

I love to visit my friends John and Don. They are identical twins who live in the magical little city of Fredricksburg Texas.  It is notable for its charming and well-preserved Main Street which sports classic German architecture. There is a a host of good restaurants and galleries and a few places to hear lovely music. One can also find some great rustic ranch furnishings in the giant warehouse sized stores that dwell on side streets. The City sits amidst a vast and ever-growing wine region which boasts some pretty darned good Rose’s and Viogniers.  It is also believed to be the wealthiest small town in America.  Many of the residents fly in and out on private jets using a small private airport.

Fredericksburg is a lovely joint in many ways excepting the ways that is is not. The good folks there refuse to recycle … anything. They have voted it down every time it has been proposed. They don’t want to spend the extra dollar or so per household and they just can’t be bothered to sort out plastics, metals, and glass. 

They also insist on hunting doves every year. The pop-pop of guns can be heard all over the place during the season. The dove population has dwindled to a dangerously low level, but they insist on killing them for no good reason, because it is just what they have always done. 

I am not trying to pick on rich people here (well, maybe I am just a little). But the sanitation department of Los Angeles has reported that residents in wealthier areas are the least likely of all to sort their trash into the proper bins. Come on, Top One Percent, we need you to participate. We need you to give just a teensy-weensy bit of a damn about the world around you. The whole one, not just the one at the private club or on your buddy’s yacht. You could see what is happening from behind the wheel of your Range Rover if you just put the phone down and looked around.

I am not without my own responsibilities here. I love wrapping gifts and decorating a real Christmas tree. I really try not to do it, but I confess to ordering from Amazon. Sometimes it is the only way to get an item that I want–though in fairness I could probably have lived without the Piment d’Espelette that I ordered to use in a recipe for ‘Rose Shrimp’. Surely a pinch of plain old red pepper would have sufficed.

I am working on it, though. I no longer hit the road in a vehicle that is single-occupied. I use transit and grab a ride-share when necessary. They are already out on the road, so better I think to just ride along in one and put some money in that driver’s pocket. I save every piece of plastic and wash and reuse it until it seems unsafe to do so. I have a composting machine that turns food waste ( a big cause of global warming) into fertilizer. It works like a dream, but the sounds that emanate from it can be a bit alarming. It whines and cranks and crushes and often rattles and squeaks for hours in the line of duty, but it does the job.

I’ve got a ways to go, but I am making the effort. We can only do our part and hope that enough of us see the light to make some real change. 

I am also spoiled rotten in many ways. Not long ago, we were wrapping up a gig in Tampa when my former colleague and always friend Caroline tried to cajole me in to leaving that night with her and her assistant Charlene.

“You should come tonight. We can catch up. Not many seats left, though. You’d be in coach with us.”

“Oh, yeah. No.” I shook my head. “I’ll keep my morning flight.”  

Charlene gave me a sideways glance.

“So let me get this straight. You take the bus in Los Angeles to meet the train to take you to a stop where you then have to walk a mile to your destination, but you only fly in First Class?” she asked.

“That’s how I roll, well whenever possible.” I replied.

The plane is already going up, and someone has to eat the lovely shrimp salad that is on offer in first class, and I see no reason why that person should not be me. So yes, I am a mixed bag when it comes to what I will sacrifice and what I will not.

Next year I will for sure cut down on the ribbons and bows and will give up the tinsel that I love to decorate with (it is considered a contaminant). I will make every effort to shop local and cut down on the magic cardboard ride of ordering online. I will keep riding the buses and trains and walking whenever possible. 

But when it comes to travel, when I have to get on a plane for work or need to do so to see friends and family, I’ll be crossing all digits for that big upgrade in the sky. The Chardonnay is better up there, and I love the view.

On we go …

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